Carlin's Youth

[Willstar]

A cry pierced the night and was followed immediately by the howling of a newly born baby. A gasp of relief and the sigh of a beautiful woman came after that again. "It's a boy lady. You have a son."

The woman who had spoken, a raven haired midwife, took the newborn child to a large basin filled with warm water and washed the baby softly with a soft, fine cloth. Then she dried him off and wrapped him up warmly in fresh pure white towels. She wagged her finger above his face, which was now silent and observant, and smiled sweetly at the young lad. He was cute and big to be sure. At the very least he would be around 10 pounds and a patch of almost white hair adorned his head. He was round faced and shiny, too cute to be true, the midwife mused.

The woman who had given birth was still in some pain and asked in a weak voice to see her son. The midwife took the child to her and held the shining boy in plain view of the somewhat pale mother. Color was returning to her cheeks however and she was in no danger of damage to her body. She lifted up her arms and took hold of the baby bringing him close to her. "My son.. My Carlin.."

A rough knock on the door startled the mother, the midwife and the newly born child who immediately exchanged his peaceful and smiling face for one twisted in fear and shining with tears. Not two seconds later the door was wrenched open by someone looking very angry indeed. "Give him here now Delila! I will not suffer a boy to be in My house!" The man who had entered grew red in the face and his hands were shaking.
"No Robert, I want him!" The man's wife said whilst holding the baby in a trembling but firm, motherly grip.

"You ! If you wish to keep the child you shall leave this house immediately! Les I kill both you and the child if you do not give him to me NOW!"

The woman flinched and started crying bitterly whilst tugging to her newborn son even tighter. The boy, Carlin, Was also crying harder than ever with his little pudgy arms flailing and his mouth wide open in a high pitched scream.

Robert drew a long dagger from a scabbard at his hip and started walking toward the bed, death in his vivid green eyes. The midwife screamed and walked in between the man and the woman, trying to prevent him from doing rashness and desperate to talk sense into him. He did not heed her calming words and slammed the lower part of the hilt against the side of her skull, knocking her unconscious. Delila's eyes widened in terror as she saw her blood thirsting husband slap aside the midwife and come toward her and her baby again. She saw the glitter of a metal blade in the light of the candle and saw it come swooping down toward Carlin. She had no choice.

A fresh cry flew out of Delila's mouth. The hilt of a dagger protruding from her stomach. She had moved aside the baby swiftly but had been unable to move herself in time to avoid getting stabbed. Life was seeping from her and stained the white sheets with rich, thick, red blood as it oozed gently out of the wound. A dismal howl rose from the throat of Robert. His face panicky he withdrew the blade swiftly and clumsily, widening the wound and causing more of the precious red fluid to seep from it. He grabbed a nearby towel which he pressed against the wound to stem the flow.. But to no avail. The wound was too deep and wide to be stopped, and the lady had lost too much blood to be saved.
"Delila.. I.. I.." He had not the heart to continue. His shoulders slumped and large tears dropped from his eyes.

"Robert.. I.. do not blame you.. But pl.. please.. do not harm my son..." Her voice was weak.. fading..

Determined to show the love he had for his wife, the broad shouldered man nodded slowly and answered "I will.. My love.." And he held her hand in his until it fell. Limp and without life.

Body shaking, Robert picked up the boy his wife had given birth to. He was no longer crying and looked into his green eyes with his pale blue ones. "You are no son of mine.. But I will honour my wife's request."

The man left the room with Carlin and locked the door behind him. And then continued his walk as quickly as possible to the front door. There he put on a brown cloak with a hood and wrapped up the boy in a new, warmer cloth so that he would not catch cold outside. He grabbed the boy and ran out, forgetting to shut the door behind him. He ran to the stables and grabbed a horse, saddled it and mounted it as swiftly as he could and rode away.

He rode for many hours and against all expectations, the baby had still not cried. He finally arrived in Luccini and went to a orphanage he happened to know. Knocking on the door with the large handle took some effort with his stiff hands but he managed. The door was opened a fraction and he spun a tale of finding a child but being unable to take care of it and wanting to leave it there. The woman who had opened the door eyed him suspiciously but accepted the child and shut the door again with a snap, leaving Robert outside in the cold, dark night.



*********


OOC: This is Carlin's history #1. I've written it out for two reasons.
1) Because my brother Illya said it gives you a better feel of your character.
2) I want to practise my writing.

So come with the critics and don't hold back. But please don't say stuff like; It sucks/I like it. Give me reasons for your likes and dislikes and help me correct them so I can make the rest of his youth a more enjoyable read for anyone who takes the time to read it. Thanks.

[Goreth]

I never, ever usually read writings on the forums or RP text, but I felt like giving it a go for some reason with this thread.
To my amazement though, I found your story gripping and descriptive, while not going into over-exaggerated detail. The chapter pulled me in on the beginning paragraph and didn't let go until the end.
Your skills are excellent for your first chapter. I spotted a couple of sentences slightly 'out of place' but not worthwhile mentioning I don't think.
Overall your first history was well written and you successfully managed to create emotion and suspense.
I would be happy to read more of your chapters/historys.

[Gharunkal]

It's a good story, but the part he stabbed his wife kept me a little bit confusing. While it seems logical that realises what he has done. It still seems unlogical in other ways that suddenly changes mood. But that's just me, I saw these scenario's before, just to point out a minority still finds it confusing.

So I can't really critise this, but keep up the work, I'd like to read the second chapter.

[Willstar]

He wanted to stab Carlin but Delila moved him away. Robert in actual fact really loves his wife even though she cheated on him and he is granting her her last wish.

*does a mystical voice thingy* The power of love conquers all forms of magic and weapons young grasshopper..

He is so in love with her that he would basicly have killed himself.. make that sacrifice himself for her good. So who would he think himself to be if he denied her this last wish? Anyways I'm working on the next chapter it'll be posted up here.. this weekend I hope.

[Gharunkal]

Thank you for the clearance, I read to quick to get all details. By the way, you're mystical voice prohpecy: I know everything about it... though, I wouldn't try to kill anyone myself if I got cheated. ;)

[Willstar]

"Don't lie to me boy!"

"I'm not lying sir. Honestly I'm not."

"Didn't I warn you not to steal? Didn't I?!"

"I didn't steal sir!"

"Don't you raise your voice to me you little rat. I know you stole from my drawer and I'll have all the money back even if I have to knock it out of your miserable hide!" A curled fist flew out of nowhere and caught the young boy on the side of his face, sending him flying. However, he did not lie down crying as one would expect after such a harsh blow to the face. The young boy, no more than 6 or 7 years in age, stood defiantly with his hands in his side and his blue eyes shining in anger.

"You stop hitting me!" And he curled up his little fists and raised them up as if to fight back. A harsh laugh came from the man who had hit him.

"You dare to hit me boy? Well perhaps I'll make it easy for you then." The man said with a mock smile and he bowed down with the side of his face exposed to the little boy.
A small fist flew out and caught the man in his eye whilst another flew up straight after it and punched the man squarely on the nose, causing it to bleed immediately. Seeing what he had done, the little boy ran away from the office and up to his room. He knew he was in trouble now and he would be punished very harshly for what he had done. Yet his pale blue eyes shone and he looked at his left hand. It was smudged with blood. I'm not staying..

With this defiant thought in mind the little boy raced to his bedroom's window and opened it. He knew exactly how to climb to get down to the street as he had done so many times already. The little boy found the drainpipe and held on to it tightly whilst allowing himself to slide down slowly but surely. His feet finally found firm foothold on a building which was beneath his window and he let go of the pipe. The youth ran to the far end of the building as quickly as he could, knowing there wasn't much time until the man would be walking into his room with the cane. He then climbed down the side of the building by another drainpipe and jumped the last bit of the distance between him and the ground.

Finally free, Carlin started running away from the place as far as he could, bumping into several people as he made his way toward nowhere in particular. He reached the harbor, perhaps inadvertently but still the boy enjoyed the harbor immensely, and sat down there enjoying the sun and wind in his face. The young lad had long blond hair and blue eyes but a somewhat darker skin. All this made him look very cute indeed.

Suddenly a strong voice bellowed behind him. "CARLIN GET BACK HERE!" It didn't take Carlin much time to pick up his feet and run away as quickly as he could. The voice grew weaker and weaker behind him until the young lad finally stopped in a back alley to catch his breath. The echoing steps past him and he thanked the Gods for it.

Now finally really free, if he would not get caught, Carlin did not know what to do. So, he simply wandered around the town looking this way and that with his hands deep in his pockets. The young lad started whistling a tune he had heard somewhere and gave a very cheery smile and wave to a lady that was selling fish. She returned the wave and then returned to her work.

Carlin had walked around town now for almost four hours and was starting to get hungry. Salty sea air could do that to you. His first impulse was to go back to the orphanage but then he remembered what he had done. "Can't go back there anymore.. Now what am I going to do.." The young, hungry lad said.

A thought struck him, steal some food, but he immediately banished it from his mind for he had been taught for most of his short life that stealing was against the law. So he wandered around for some time again. The growling of his stomach was growing louder and louder. Finally he groaned and made up his mind. Even if it meant breaking the law he needed to eat now. So he walked back through the crowded streets and was knocked aside by many people before he reached the street where many bread and meat stalls were. He sneaked up as silently as he could and reached out a small hand toward a bun.
"Hey there boy what do you think you're doing?" A fat man said. He was the one selling the bread and though he was not an unkindly sort, he detested thieves.

"I.. I.. I'm just so hungry sir." Carlin's voice trembled and broke and a singular tear ran down his now somewhat grubby looking face.

Looking the boy over the baker figured out several things. The boy was young, hungry, thin and more importantly, he had no where to go and work for his food or to earn his coins. So with a stern face the baker said "Well boy what is your name?"

"C.. Carlin sir.." The youth replied honestly and wiped away the tear from his eye.

"Well Carlin, you can come and work here for today alright? I'll give you this bun now and I'll give you some more bread later."

"Sir thank you!" A brilliant smile broke through the boy's dark features and he clapped his hands together from sheer happiness.

The baker knew he was being soft but having no children of his own had left him with a tender spot in his heart for younger children. He took pity on this one in particular with his filthy hands, unkempt hair and the rags he wore. Perhaps he would get him some proper clothes.. Pondering this the baker actually forgot about the customer he was serving and apologized, took the coins and gave the bread. After this he gave two copper coins to Carlin and told him to go inside the inn that was behind him and ask for a proper clean up.

Happy as he was, Carlin walked into the inn and drew several startled glances as they saw a boy so young walk in. However, he did not mind and with his young face stretched by a smile that showed all his white teeth, the young lad walked up to the barkeeper and asked for the proper clean up. The barkeep eyed him and then asked for two coppers upon which they were handed to him. Once he received the money the barkeep gave Carlin a kindly smile and called for his eldest daughter to give him a good scrub.
The young boy was led upstairs, made to take off his clothes and unceremoniously dumped into a large metal tub filled with warm water. He enjoyed splashing the water but got told off swiftly by the innkeepers daughter who, after the scolding, took a large sponge and start scrubbing the dirt off the boy. Once she had finished she gave him a quick haircut but left it long in the back. She then took out a piece of brown leather cord which she tied around it, making it into his short ponytail. After the cleaning was over he was given back his old clothes and he walked back outside to the baker who had been patiently waiting for him.

"So, I see they've cleaned you up nicely lad."

"Yes sir, she was very kind to me and I got a brown string from her!" The young boy pointed excitedly to his pony tail and it was obvious he was extremely proud of it.

The baker gave a booming laugh that made his large belly shake and then made the boy go to work. He was to put the bread into bags for the customers and that was all. It was very boring work but Carlin amused himself by looking at people and how funny they dressed or how odd they had their hair. The young boy almost laughed when he looked at the baker's fat double chin which swelled up whenever he spoke and then deflated again.

All in all the day passed by quite quickly and Carlin was given the agreed payment. Enough bread to last him till the next day at least. He was also told to come back the next time he was around if he wanted to work again.

So Carlin did, he worked at the baker's stall and earned his food there but he never had enough. Soon Carlin found himself pondering if he should steal something from someone. Some money perhaps.. Or some meat or fruit. He had often seen men walking with money pouches or satchels hanging openly at their hips. If he was quick he could easily grab it and make off with it. So he did. The young boy had started stealing from people who, by judging their clothes, were comfortably well off.

This all went quite well for several years and though in those same years the young thief had spent many nights and even weeks in jail, he had never had his hand chopped off. All he was forced to do was give back what he had stolen. The youth was now almost fourteen years old and was living quite happily in inn rooms and the like from stolen money. He had also bought himself some nice clothes for which he did have to save a long time. People at the market knew Carlin quite well now as he helped along with almost anyone for either a bit of fish or some bread or a handful of fruit. His hair was still in a ponytail and he kept the rest short by making regular visits to the same girl who had cut his hair the first time. The clothes he had bought were a simple pair of brown pants and a nice brown shirt. The lad wore no shoes but simple sandals.

The boy had now started asking for money as well as food for his chores and he received coins as well. Mostly just several coppers but with the amount of work he did, Carlin got enough to survive and to stop stealing. He had never really enjoyed it but strangely the lad was very good at stealing now. He could actually rob someone whilst talking to him or her.
He had become fifteen now and was on his way to walk over to the baker. He knew he would be congratulated and given bread and perhaps even a coin as a present before made to go to work. Of all the places he knew he loved working at the fat baker's stall. He knew the man now for almost nine years and they had become quite good friends. In his mind he still called him 'the fat baker' though he knew his real name was Ricardo. On this walk he came across a group of men who eyed him suspiciously and looked up and down at his clothes, his eyes and especially his hair.

Suddenly they stopped him and spoke to him in curt, strong and somewhat angry voices. "So, are you Carlin?"

"The boy who works in street stalls?"

"The boy who took my purse several times and stole from my house?!"

The three men were now closing in on him and he knew he would never win from them in a fight. One drew a dagger and now Carlin turned tail and ran as fast as he could toward Ricardo. He'll stop them..

Panting, the young thief arrived at the stall and was held fast by a worried looking Ricardo. "What's happened Carlin?"

"Men.. stopped me in the street.. Asked me stuff.. Drew a knife.. I ran.." Carlin drew a deep breath and looked behind him anxiously.

"Why did they stop you Carlin?" Said the baker becoming suddenly quite stern. He had heard about the boy's thefts and his being locked up several times.

The lad looked down, ashamed and answered "They think I've stolen something from them.. But it wasn't me!" He said quite furiously.

"I remember the people I have stolen from! Unlike some others that I know.. But I've never stolen from them.. I swear it!"

Looking the boy in his gleaming blue eyes Ricardo sighed. "I believe you Carlin. Just wait here and if they come, I'll speak with them."

The men had arrived already in the street were the stall was and were now looking for any sign of the blond boy. Suddenly one of them spotted him looking at them from behind the baker and started running towards them. Carlin shrank backward and made himself very small.

Suddenly the strong booming voice of Ricardo sounded. "What is the meaning of your stopping and harassing this boy?"

"He's stolen from us. We want our money back and we'll extract it from his hide if we have to!" The man with the dagger started walking forward but was stopped by his two associates.

"We have the right to take him with us and punish him if he does not give us back the goods he's stolen from us."

"And what goods has he stolen from you?" Ricardo asked with a quizzical look on his face.
"Money. He's stolen my purse several times and my friends here as well. He's even broken into our houses to steal more money there!"

"Well I find it rather hard to believe that. He's been working here for several years now and he makes money as well as getting food to survive."

"Mister, he's taken money from us and we want it back." Said the man with the dagger menacingly.

"Fine take him to whoever you want but I'm coming along to make sure you don't hurt him."

Ricardo looked back toward where Carlin was to ask him to come along but was shocked to see that the boy had gone. Carlin was running away from the stall. Away from the life he knew and was quite comfortable with. Away to somewhere else. He did not know yet where but he was sure to find someplace to stay and live..

[Illya]

Impressive, William. I can see I'm not the only one in the family with a talent for writing. ;)

[Willstar]

Impressive, William. I can see I'm not the only one in the family with a talent for writing. ;)

Call me a wuss but that was nicer to read than a miracle happening. ( that miracle would take the shape of Anaris being nice to everyone at all times regardless of whatever may have been said or done ) :D

[Cassandra]

Now, now, there are limits to even miracles. ;)

I do enjoy this very much, you seem to have tightened up on spelling and grammar errors to the point where I don't see any, and as each error disrupts the flow of the story it's quite important to make sure everything is correct. The story itself is dramatic and well-told, with enough emotion in it to be interesting and not so much that it is cloying. The only thing I can think of is that you are using the character's name too much. Try using more variations and descriptions. A character's name should be only occasionally used, and preferably only to distinguish between different "he"s. If you use it too much, you get too much of a storyteller around the campfire feel to it and the immersion breaks up somewhat. You are only over-using it a little, however. The flow and intrinsic poetry of the language is still a little odd, but that is something that develops in time and doesn't detract from the piece.

The atmosphere and scene-setting was good, though a little more setting the scene and explaining particulars... such as the man who hit him at the start, explaining that it was an orphanage before the point where Carlin got hungry will help to keep people's thoughts in context. In general you do this well, though a few things slipped by you.

Apart from that I can't really offer any more criticism or advice, apart from my congratulations on a fine piece of writing, and of course, a nag to write the next part. ;)

[Johannes Avery]

Good writing and impressive depth to your character. Should be interesting to see where it progresses.