lagmachine
11-29-2005, 02:42 PM
Time to cry.
Time can be so harsh at times.
Where did they go, the careless days?
There was a time you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.
Is this nostalgia that plagues me?
I certainly hope not.
I mean, I can hardly remember it, childhood.
Seems like lifetimes ago to me.
I don’t know what’s making me think like this right now.
I mean, I do know, of course.
It’s them. Those vagrants and their posh city.
They think they’ve got it all made, you know.
They think that because they’re wealthy they’ve got the right to be happy.
They know nothing of justice.
They know nothing of happiness.
I’ve been unhappy for what seems like forever.
That’s why I’ll kill them. I’ll kill them all. Show them justice.
They say that vampires don’t cry.
I guess I’ve been drinking all that blood for naught, then.
Do you know what bothers me most?
Have you ever tried talking to an undead? It just stares back at you blankly.
This is why the Strigoi are so very rancorous. Why the Necrarch are mad.
Why the Lahmian surround themselves with mortals.
Why the Blood Dragons keep conversing with the living in the only possible way they know.
It is why I made her.
I know I shouldn’t have.
Don’t you dare tell me that.
Of course I shouldn’t have!
I can see that now. Everyone can.
It’s easy to wield hindsight as your weapon.
But you shouldn’t.
I will not fall underneath its blade.
You WILL listen.
I command you to.
I shouldn’t waste my time like this.
Look at this! The ravings of a madman!
And all because of them!
I could have been happy, you know.
Easily, I could have been happy.
So who was to decide I shouldn’t be?
Justice is just an abstract thought. Not a concrete force.
It holds no power but for the power we give it. It has no law but for the laws we make.
I remember it well.
She had just turned sixteen.
Sixteen years after I had given her the blood-kiss.
I guess one could say she had just turned thirty-two.
She had decorated the hall all for herself.
I had told her not to. But I’d only spoil it, she had said, if I did the decorating.
She was right of course. How could I know her wishes?
She was so terribly different.
People would have disagreed, but she, and I, we knew. We knew we were different.
She had decorated the entire hall.
She loved doing that stuff.
The chandeliers were made of bones.
The candles stood on top of skulls.
The curtains were made of skin,
And a young couple hung flayed from the ceiling, their blood dripping into a big, black bowl.
She loved that kind of stuff. I never got why.
I mean, I got the part with all the blood. Not that we’d actually drink it, it was cold and filthy.
But I got it. It was symbolic.
It were all the extra’s. The skulls, the bones, the skin. Why the effort?
I guess she was, well, cruel.
I don’t know what made her cruel. But I loved it.
I loved her.
And they took her away.
I think I get it now. The cruelty.
I mean, no, I still don’t.
I just get the feeling. Not the reasons.
I want to slaughter, every dawn when I go off to my coffin.
And when I rise again at dusk, I want to slaughter.
Not just anything though.
I want to slaughter men. I don’t even care much for the women. It’s the men I want.
They took my joy away.
They will pay.
I get cruelty.
I just don’t get why she was cruel.
I guess she always had been.
Will you cry with me?
You see, I figured we’d always be together, her and me.
I would never be alone again.
That’s how I reasoned.
And yes.
Yes, I suppose,
I suppose I did consider it.
I did, didn’t I?
In the darkest corners of my mind,
Yes, I did seize the thought, and unravelled it.
What if I made someone,
Who’d die?
Yes, I did wonder!
I’m a vampire!
I have a pitch-black mind!
Of course I considered it!
But that was before!
Before I chose her,
Before I let her die.
Never after.
Never did I consider it.
For how could I?
Life without her was,
Unimaginable.
I said I loved her.
Did I?
Did I love her?
Did I not just love her presence?
Her jet-black hair?
Her silver eyes?
Maybe.
Maybe I did love her as a whole.
It seems unlikely though. We were different, she and I.
We had only one thing in common.
Except for that one time, we never touched.
We weren’t like that.
It wasn’t what we needed. Touching.
She had her cruelty, and I, I had her.
That was all we ever needed.
So I guess I loved her. In whatever way.
That’s all that matters.
Of course I remember the first time I saw her as well.
She was sixteen years old, I believe.
I did the counting, you know. I was thirteen times her age.
A perfect match, to my reckoning.
I was spying on her. She was combing her hair by the window.
I just stood there, right behind her, smelling her hair, her skin, her clothing.
I can do that, you know, be silent as a cat.
And as she didn’t bother to turn round she wasn’t going to see me, now was she?
That’s the joke about having no reflection.
No one could see you coming, unless you wanted them to.
And, you know, I think she did know I was there, that very first time.
I felt a shiver go down her spine. And I felt certain, yes, that she liked it.
She wanted to be spied on.
So I did.
It took me some more time to actually woo her, of course.
I was enjoying myself! Could you believe it?
I was in love with this beautiful girl.
Well, not really. I guess I was just attracted to her.
Many times did I have to stop from sucking all the blood out of that fragile, pale neck of hers.
So very pretty she was.
But that was what gave me that kick.
I could resist.
Until the time was there. Then I seized her.
No, I mean, she came willingly.
And they took her away.
Have you ever listened to someone dying?
I have. A thousand times even.
But have you ever listened to the dying voice of the one you loved?
I have. Just once.
I was too slow to protect her.
They had come suddenly.
They were weak, but still, too strong for her.
I killed them all, of course, those vampire-hunters.
But she was gone.
All they had left me was a pile of ashes,
And an eternal echo of screams for help.
Have you ever suffered a thing like that?
I guess you haven’t.
But I have.
They took her away from me.
I can hear their screams, you know, as I sit outside their city.
I’ve never felt this powerful before.
I will lay it to ashes. Personally.
Sure, I’ve got an army to aid me, but they will do no more than necessary.
All else I will do myself.
I shall slay a thousand in her name.
And then another.
And when they are all dead I shall drag them along in my curse.
They cursed me by taking her, I shall curse them by enslaving their souls.
That’s my sense of justice.
Maybe one day I’ll be stopped.
Some valiant leader of men on a white horse.
A cannonball, maybe.
Then I’ll go to hell.
And it will feel like home.
Because she’ll be there.
Time can be so harsh at times.
Where did they go, the careless days?
There was a time you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.
Is this nostalgia that plagues me?
I certainly hope not.
I mean, I can hardly remember it, childhood.
Seems like lifetimes ago to me.
I don’t know what’s making me think like this right now.
I mean, I do know, of course.
It’s them. Those vagrants and their posh city.
They think they’ve got it all made, you know.
They think that because they’re wealthy they’ve got the right to be happy.
They know nothing of justice.
They know nothing of happiness.
I’ve been unhappy for what seems like forever.
That’s why I’ll kill them. I’ll kill them all. Show them justice.
They say that vampires don’t cry.
I guess I’ve been drinking all that blood for naught, then.
Do you know what bothers me most?
Have you ever tried talking to an undead? It just stares back at you blankly.
This is why the Strigoi are so very rancorous. Why the Necrarch are mad.
Why the Lahmian surround themselves with mortals.
Why the Blood Dragons keep conversing with the living in the only possible way they know.
It is why I made her.
I know I shouldn’t have.
Don’t you dare tell me that.
Of course I shouldn’t have!
I can see that now. Everyone can.
It’s easy to wield hindsight as your weapon.
But you shouldn’t.
I will not fall underneath its blade.
You WILL listen.
I command you to.
I shouldn’t waste my time like this.
Look at this! The ravings of a madman!
And all because of them!
I could have been happy, you know.
Easily, I could have been happy.
So who was to decide I shouldn’t be?
Justice is just an abstract thought. Not a concrete force.
It holds no power but for the power we give it. It has no law but for the laws we make.
I remember it well.
She had just turned sixteen.
Sixteen years after I had given her the blood-kiss.
I guess one could say she had just turned thirty-two.
She had decorated the hall all for herself.
I had told her not to. But I’d only spoil it, she had said, if I did the decorating.
She was right of course. How could I know her wishes?
She was so terribly different.
People would have disagreed, but she, and I, we knew. We knew we were different.
She had decorated the entire hall.
She loved doing that stuff.
The chandeliers were made of bones.
The candles stood on top of skulls.
The curtains were made of skin,
And a young couple hung flayed from the ceiling, their blood dripping into a big, black bowl.
She loved that kind of stuff. I never got why.
I mean, I got the part with all the blood. Not that we’d actually drink it, it was cold and filthy.
But I got it. It was symbolic.
It were all the extra’s. The skulls, the bones, the skin. Why the effort?
I guess she was, well, cruel.
I don’t know what made her cruel. But I loved it.
I loved her.
And they took her away.
I think I get it now. The cruelty.
I mean, no, I still don’t.
I just get the feeling. Not the reasons.
I want to slaughter, every dawn when I go off to my coffin.
And when I rise again at dusk, I want to slaughter.
Not just anything though.
I want to slaughter men. I don’t even care much for the women. It’s the men I want.
They took my joy away.
They will pay.
I get cruelty.
I just don’t get why she was cruel.
I guess she always had been.
Will you cry with me?
You see, I figured we’d always be together, her and me.
I would never be alone again.
That’s how I reasoned.
And yes.
Yes, I suppose,
I suppose I did consider it.
I did, didn’t I?
In the darkest corners of my mind,
Yes, I did seize the thought, and unravelled it.
What if I made someone,
Who’d die?
Yes, I did wonder!
I’m a vampire!
I have a pitch-black mind!
Of course I considered it!
But that was before!
Before I chose her,
Before I let her die.
Never after.
Never did I consider it.
For how could I?
Life without her was,
Unimaginable.
I said I loved her.
Did I?
Did I love her?
Did I not just love her presence?
Her jet-black hair?
Her silver eyes?
Maybe.
Maybe I did love her as a whole.
It seems unlikely though. We were different, she and I.
We had only one thing in common.
Except for that one time, we never touched.
We weren’t like that.
It wasn’t what we needed. Touching.
She had her cruelty, and I, I had her.
That was all we ever needed.
So I guess I loved her. In whatever way.
That’s all that matters.
Of course I remember the first time I saw her as well.
She was sixteen years old, I believe.
I did the counting, you know. I was thirteen times her age.
A perfect match, to my reckoning.
I was spying on her. She was combing her hair by the window.
I just stood there, right behind her, smelling her hair, her skin, her clothing.
I can do that, you know, be silent as a cat.
And as she didn’t bother to turn round she wasn’t going to see me, now was she?
That’s the joke about having no reflection.
No one could see you coming, unless you wanted them to.
And, you know, I think she did know I was there, that very first time.
I felt a shiver go down her spine. And I felt certain, yes, that she liked it.
She wanted to be spied on.
So I did.
It took me some more time to actually woo her, of course.
I was enjoying myself! Could you believe it?
I was in love with this beautiful girl.
Well, not really. I guess I was just attracted to her.
Many times did I have to stop from sucking all the blood out of that fragile, pale neck of hers.
So very pretty she was.
But that was what gave me that kick.
I could resist.
Until the time was there. Then I seized her.
No, I mean, she came willingly.
And they took her away.
Have you ever listened to someone dying?
I have. A thousand times even.
But have you ever listened to the dying voice of the one you loved?
I have. Just once.
I was too slow to protect her.
They had come suddenly.
They were weak, but still, too strong for her.
I killed them all, of course, those vampire-hunters.
But she was gone.
All they had left me was a pile of ashes,
And an eternal echo of screams for help.
Have you ever suffered a thing like that?
I guess you haven’t.
But I have.
They took her away from me.
I can hear their screams, you know, as I sit outside their city.
I’ve never felt this powerful before.
I will lay it to ashes. Personally.
Sure, I’ve got an army to aid me, but they will do no more than necessary.
All else I will do myself.
I shall slay a thousand in her name.
And then another.
And when they are all dead I shall drag them along in my curse.
They cursed me by taking her, I shall curse them by enslaving their souls.
That’s my sense of justice.
Maybe one day I’ll be stopped.
Some valiant leader of men on a white horse.
A cannonball, maybe.
Then I’ll go to hell.
And it will feel like home.
Because she’ll be there.