Dwarf vs Orc joke

[mongoose]

An orc captain was marching his entire army to attack Karak Eight Peaks, they were passing an old abandoned city when they heard a voice within the ancient city's walls: "One Dwarf is better than ten orc soldiers!" The captain was enraged and immediatly sent ten of his best troops over the walls while the remainder of the company waited outside. Then came the sound of a terriffic fight going on, soon all was quiet. Then the voice spoke again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a hundred orc soldiers!" Well, the captain sent hundred of his best men over the walls. Soon came the sounds of fight and then silence. The voice spoke up again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a thousand orc soldiers!" The captain was furious. He immediately sent the remainder of his troops over the walls save only himself. There came the sound of a fierce battle, and then silence followed by the sound of a dwarf laughing. Finally, one lone orc stumbled back from the battle and collapsed at the captains feet. "Speak! What happened?" asked the captain. The soldier replied with his last breath. "It....was..a trap..there's...TWO...of...them..."

Take that you overgrown toadstools! :mrgreen:

[Godric]

LMAO!

Oh god that was funny.

[Krauser]

ROFLCOPTER! That wasn't funny!

[AlienOverlord]

I thought it was funny :) There's potential here, I think.

A beautiful High Elf sorceress was lost in the forest and encountered a deep and wide river. She looked up and down the river for a way across but could not find one. Looking to the other side again, she spied a handsome High Elf warrior on the opposite river bank. She called to her fair-haired brethren.

"My brother! How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouted loudly.

The other elf replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

Then an Orc "Waaggghhh!" came by and slaughtered them both into kibble.

[Harakoni]

An Orc walks into a bar, Ouch!

[Kaikai]

a dwarf walks into a bar, and becomes a footstool.

i dunno, i didnt really find the orginal joke that funny, its a retelling of a very old joke, i forget the nationalities used in the original however.

[Godric]

A lone human soldier, run ragged and drastically wounded is limping through the woods. He had just barely survived a losing battle against a division of chaos. Suddenly a chaos footsoldier drops from the trees above infront of him. "Are you prepared to die?" growls the fiercesome ironclad footsoldier. "Yes," the human gasps "but I wish to know a few things about chaos before I die. So I know if I lived my life on the right side." The chaos footsoldier cackles menacingly "Very well, I will answer your questions, I cannot wait to witness the look of utter horror when you realize the truth!" The human takes a deep breath and asks "How does a chaos soldier mutate?" The footsoldier begins to answer, but is caught in thought. After a long pause he replies "I don't really know..." The human nods, looks back at the fearsome 7' 2" monstrosity and asks "Ok, then where are your weapons forged?" "I never really questioned the fact, I just took what I was given." "How often does a leader arise among chaos?" "Erm," hesitated the footsoldier "I never really payed attention to politics." "How far north do the chaos lands go?" Now thoroughly embarassed at his lack of knowledge of his own home land, the soldier replies "Well...I...I don't know." The soldier flashes a quick smirk then asks "Do you often get tunnel vision?" Startled by the last question the footsoldier asks "Say again?" Behind him a Warrior Priest of Sigmar caves his head in.

[Kaikai]

the punchline needs alittle work.. ;)

[Snorri]

I thought it was funny :) There's potential here, I think.

A beautiful High Elf sorceress was lost in the forest and encountered a deep and wide river. She looked up and down the river for a way across but could not find one. Looking to the other side again, she spied a handsome High Elf warrior on the opposite river bank. She called to to her fair-haired brethren.

"My brother! How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouted loudly.

The other elf replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

Then an Orc "Waaggghhh!" came by and slaughtered them both into kibble.

That was good...

[Godric]

the punchline needs alittle work.. ;)

I know, it was made up on the spot.

[Purex Deathstalker]

A lone human soldier, run ragged and drastically wounded is limping through the woods. He had just barely survived a losing battle against a division of chaos. Suddenly a chaos footsoldier drops from the trees above infront of him. "Are you prepared to die?" growls the fiercesome ironclad footsoldier. "Yes," the human gasps "but I wish to know a few things about chaos before I die. So I know if I lived my life on the right side." The chaos footsoldier cackles menacingly "Very well, I will answer your questions, I cannot wait to witness the look of utter horror when you realize the truth!" The human takes a deep breath and asks "How does a chaos soldier mutate?" The footsoldier begins to answer, but is caught in thought. After a long pause he replies "I don't really know..." The human nods, looks back at the fearsome 7' 2" monstrosity and asks "Ok, then where are your weapons forged?" "I never really questioned the fact, I just took what I was given." "How often does a leader arise among chaos?" "Erm," hesitated the footsoldier "I never really payed attention to politics." "How far north do the chaos lands go?" Now thoroughly embarassed at his lack of knowledge of his own home land, the soldier replies "Well...I...I don't know." The soldier flashes a quick smirk then asks "Do you often get tunnel vision?" Startled by the last question the footsoldier asks "Say again?" Behind him a Warrior Priest of Sigmar caves his head in.

And that Warrior Priest was me

[IronToe]

"The human nods, looks back at the fearsome 7' 2" monstrosity and asks "Ok, then where are your weapons forged?"

they are forged in the chaos wastes from the anvils of the fallen dwarfs forts...just you know ^_^

[V for ?]

I loved all the jokes on this post lol they gave me a good laugh.

[V for ?]

"Waaaaaaaaaaagh" -Orc
"Why the heck do those stupid orcs do that George" - Goblin 1
"I don't know Johnny, I don't even know how we get stuck with these dumb bunches of green beef" - Goblin 2
"George, aren't we bunches of green beef?" -Goblin 1
"No Johnny, were dumb bunches of green chicken." -Goblin 2
"O your so right man, and chicken tastes so much better then beef" - Goblin 1
"Hell ya man and thats why goblins are better then orcs, cause we taste better!" -Goblin 2
"Dood your like a stupid bunch of green chicken ghandi, Cause I feel enlightened by what you said" -Goblin 1
"I know dood, I know" -Goblin 2
"Wanna go get some beef?" -Goblin 1
"Definately man I LOOOOOVE beef" -Goblin 2

[Cremok the feared]

An Orc walks into a bar, Ouch!

Two orcs walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would have seen it

(My improvement)

[Dabigbom]

~~~The Lusty Dwarfen Maid Ch 1 Sc 3 : Making Orc Babies!~~~


-Master Orc, "OOOOOOOOH BOUNCE DAT GOOD OOOOH OOOOOH"

-Wide-Flap, "EEEEEEH EEEEEEH, and to think You reproduced with Fungus! EEEEEHH"

Wide-Flap the Dwarf farts loudly in a diarrhetic manner.

-Master Orc, "I'll fill dat der leakin hol!"

*Throp*

-Wide-Flap, "EH OH OHOH OH OH OOOOOH EEEEEEEEH"

*Splunkt*

-Master Orc, " OOOOOH OOOOOH OOOOOOH OOOOOOH"

-Wide-Flap, " EH EH EEEH EEEH eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*Squirt Splunk Squirt Squirt GESPLUTCH!*

Wide-Flap defecates ankle deep over the floor.


*** Big thanx to TheUltimate for this one***

[Harbringer]

A orc has captured a dwarf and is trying to get the dwarf to tell him the way to the rest of the dwarfs.

orc - "Cume ere now, tells us da way!"
Dwarf - "Alrighty then laddie, but i be needing yer sword fer drawing the map."
Orc - "Shudd up! you thinks moi stuppid? I woill nevah fall for that one!"
Dwarf - "Well, fancy that. Yet brighter than ye look lad"
The orc fires of a wide grind that makes him look as if hes run straight into a brick wall, and nods.
Orc - "I allways know I wa da smartess of da boyz, me knew ow to nail planks togedda!"
The dwarf looks his captor with a look that told everything of some intelligence (exluding the orc) that he wanted nothing more than to have those planks and beat the orc to a bloody pulp.
Dwarf - "Aye, yer smart fer a orc, il give ye that, but unless i can have yer sword, i cant be showing ye the way"
Orc - "wull...youse be nice one, here is da swurd"
Dwarf - "thank ye. Well, here we go then. Here be the world edge mountains..."
Orc - "goody goody"
dwarf - "and ere be the big lake at the mountains foot"
Orc - "Hee hee hee"
dwarf - "and here be yer heart, about a foot above yer stomach!"
Orc - "Hee hee hee"
Dwarf - "lad, yer supposed to be dead now..."
Orc - "huh?"
Dwarf - "ye know, dead as in lying on the ground and not saying a thing"
orc - "allright, il do zat"
the orc lies down and closes his eyes, his breathing slows, then stops alltogether.
Dwarf - "strange, we allways say that ter convince a orc that hes dead is harder than walking trough a stone wall..."
Turning and walking away, he slammed head first into a large stone wall standing behind him.
Dwarf - "well il be..."
Turning back, he sees the orc moving. Running back, he grabs the orcs sword and gets down to the buissness of hacking the orc to small foe-shaped chunky bits. The stone wall disapears into thin air.
Dwarf - "dere we go"
and he walks away again...Only to again smack head first into another stone wall...
Dwarf - "Thats it!!! Iv had it with these durn greenskins!!!"
When he gets back to his dwarf hold he tells the other dwarfs he killed a orc.
Dwarf lisener - "So ye killed a orc did ye? funny, cuz we allways say that to convince a orc that hes...
Dwarf - "Shut upp!!"

I know its long, crap and badly written. but i was bored, okey?

[aleron the pimpled]

question: if a slannesh cultist bonked a nurgle culstist and got an STD, would the slannesh cultist want it? :???:

[DeathsHorizon]

question: if a slannesh cultist bonked a nurgle culstist and got an STD, would the slannesh cultist want it? :???:

Hmm... you mean rotting out from the inside, maybe not.

Uh thought I heard this on this board. A Chaos warrior walks into a bar, then slaughters everyone inside.

Chaos Reigns :chaos:

[Angry[Khan]]

A dwarf walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long mace?"

[Kai-ec of Hexoatl]

What did the old onesss sssay, when ttthhhe chaossss gate opened?:rolleyes:

i dunno!:confused:

Uh-oh!:D

[Krulltak]

What did the old onesss sssay, when ttthhhe chaossss gate opened?:rolleyes:

i


They said... "Aww crap, were dead. Let's leave all these lizard people here to clean it up for us while we go to some other place."

[Cookster5]

All the Dwarfs in the world walk into a pub. One of them walks up to the bar and says:

"I'll get these in!"

What an idiot!


(Kudos to Bill Bailey for the original version)

[Okri]

An orc captain was marching his entire army to attack Karak Eight Peaks, they were passing an old abandoned city when they heard a voice within the ancient city's walls: "One Dwarf is better than ten orc soldiers!" The captain was enraged and immediatly sent ten of his best troops over the walls while the remainder of the company waited outside. Then came the sound of a terriffic fight going on, soon all was quiet. Then the voice spoke again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a hundred orc soldiers!" Well, the captain sent hundred of his best men over the walls. Soon came the sounds of fight and then silence. The voice spoke up again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a thousand orc soldiers!" The captain was furious. He immediately sent the remainder of his troops over the walls save only himself. There came the sound of a fierce battle, and then silence followed by the sound of a dwarf laughing. Finally, one lone orc stumbled back from the battle and collapsed at the captains feet. "Speak! What happened?" asked the captain. The soldier replied with his last breath. "It....was..a trap..there's...TWO...of...them..."

Take that you overgrown toadstools! :mrgreen:

It's funny 'cause it's true... 'twas two of me counsins on me mother's side.

[versuvius]

ok a dwarf a hobbit and an elf walk into a bar and order beers....a fly dropps ino each. The elf pushed his beer away, the hobbit tipped it out and the dwarf picked up the fly and said "spit that out yeh little "

[Snorri]

ok a dwarf a hobbit and an elf walk into a bar and order beers....a fly dropps ino each. The elf pushed his beer away, the hobbit tipped it out and the dwarf picked up the fly and said "spit that out yeh little "

Hah, that was pretty good. :D

They said... "Aww crap, were dead. Let's leave all these lizard people here to clean it up for us while we go to some other place."

Also liked that one.

[versuvius]

ok ok .... a dwarf an elf and a hobbit go to loo in a bar after they have done the elf washes his hands an says "i was brought up the wash my hands after i have been to the toilet" the hibbit also says "i too was taught cleanliness" and the dwarf replys "i was taught not to piss on my hands...."

[Krulltak]

ok a dwarf a hobbit and an elf walk into a bar and order beers....a fly dropps ino each. The elf pushed his beer away, the hobbit tipped it out and the dwarf picked up the fly and said "spit that out yeh little "


Hilarious!

[versuvius]

thanks for that..i have loads wrote down....err an elf a dwarf and a hobbit are walking down the street and see a lamp...the dwarf picks it up and rubs it (being good quality iron) a genie pops out. He says i shall grant ye all one wish. The elf says i wish that all elves can go to our eternal home and never be plagued by chaos again *snap* all the elves vanish. The hobbit says i also wish for all hobbits to go where chaos can never bother us *snap* no more hobbits here., The dwarf says " so all the elves and hobits are gone?" yes says the genie "in that case i shall have an ale" says the dwarf.

[Gortrek]

ok ok .... a dwarf an elf and a hobbit go to loo in a bar after they have done the elf washes his hands an says "i was brought up the wash my hands after i have been to the toilet" the hibbit also says "i too was taught cleanliness" and the dwarf replys "i was taught not to piss on my hands...."absolutely brill

[luy22]

Lmao. These are so great. ;) Keep em comin.

[versuvius]

i think iv got rid of em all...iv got one about a bear and a rabbit which relates to dwarves slightly...the ride em in WoW


ok a rabbit and a bear are walking down a path (they hate eachother and the bear doesnt eat him for some reason) the see a magic lamp. they both jump for it and grab it at the same time. The genie that appears says he will grant em both 3 wishes. the bear says " i want to be the only male bear in the forest, the rest females" *Snap* the rabbit says "i wish for a crash helmet" the bear says "i wish i was the only male bear in the country" the rabbit says "i wish i had a quadbike" then the bears says "i wish i was the only male bear in existance" the rabbit says "i wish he was " * the rabbit drives off*

[versuvius]

An Elf walks into a pub and clears his voice to the crowd of dwarven drinkers. He says, "I hear you dwarves are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give 500 gold to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of extra stout back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the elf's offer. One dwarf even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same dwarf who left shows back up and taps the elf on the back. "Is your bet still good?" asks the dwarf.

The elf says yes and asks the pub keep to line up 10 pints of extra stout. Immediately the dwarf tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the elf sits in amazement. The elf gives the dwarf the 500 gold and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The dwarf replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

[versuvius]

An elf is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a dwarf. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the elf doesn't get uncomfortable until the dwarf drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the dwarf, "those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"

Surprised and flattered, the elf thanks the dwarf and starts to move away.

"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."

Again the elf is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The dwarf reaches out, gets a tight grip on the elf's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your platinum or I'll jump off the ladder!"

sorry about the obscemity but i had to put it in...elvish gullibility...oh yhe these are straight from internet...im out of dwarf jokes

[versuvius]

Silvara Ironside is home making dinner, as usual, when Simeron arrives at her door. "Silvara, may Aye come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' tae tell yer."

"Of course ya can come in, you're always welcome, Simeron. But
where's me husband?"

"That's what Aye'm here tae be tellin' yer, Silvara. There was
an accident doon at da Dwarf Ale brewery..."

"Oh, Gods no!" cries Silvara. "Please don' tell me..."

"I must, Silvara. Yer husband Gort is dead and goon. Aye'm
sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Simeron. "How did it happen, Simeron?"

"It was terrible, Silvara. He fell into a vat uv "Bugman's 5X Extra Stout" Brew and drowned."

"Oh blessed Brell! But yer must tell me true, Simeron. Did he
at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Silvara... no."

"No?"

"Fact is, he got oot three times to pee."

[mouldylock]

haha :smile: don't usually like jokes but they were pretty good

[versuvius]

thx alot...

[Okri]

I am surprised by what comical pieces of marvel reside within that bruised skull of Versuvius. Looks like he's actually good for something.

[versuvius]

i hold may suprises...like these anaseed balls i made that also work as solid explosives for rifles...*suck* *suck* hey this ones *BOOOOOM!* orange flavour....

[versuvius]

ok heres a LotR joke

Gimli, Legolas and Pippin are captured by the orcs and locked away.
These orcs aren't TOO nasty though as they say each of the captives may have
a years supply of one luxury.

Legolas chooses Elven literature and they slam the door.
Gimli chooses malt beer and is shut away too.
Pippin decides on pipeweed and he also is locked up.

A year later the orcs are defeated and the captives are released.

Legolas strides out and says "Was that a year already? I hardly got started!"
Gimli staggers out and says "Wahey, that was great, show me to the pub!"
Pippin is released, he steps out and says "Anyone got a light?"

[versuvius]

Merry and Pippin were walking home from the Inn one evening. Both had had more of their fair share of ale and it was dark. All of a sudden. Merry falls down a large Pot Hole and breaks one of his legs.
Merry: "Pippin, don't just stand there. Call me a doctor..Quick!"
Pippin: "If you say so Merry. MERRY IS A DOCTOR!! MERRY IS A DOCTOR!!!


The Fellowship came into the Balin's burial chamber and saw the orcish bones lying around...broken shields and bottles.... and on the great stone plate it said:
"Here lies Balin, king of Moria. Don't wake him up - he's even scarier when he's drunk..."



Why are hobbit doors round?
If you had 9 meals a day you need a round door too!

[Snorri]

ok ok .... a dwarf an elf and a hobbit go to loo in a bar after they have done the elf washes his hands an says "i was brought up the wash my hands after i have been to the toilet" the hibbit also says "i too was taught cleanliness" and the dwarf replys "i was taught not to piss on my hands...."

Another very good one. ;)

An Elf walks into a pub and clears his voice to the crowd of dwarven drinkers. He says, "I hear you dwarves are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give 500 gold to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of extra stout back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the elf's offer. One dwarf even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same dwarf who left shows back up and taps the elf on the back. "Is your bet still good?" asks the dwarf.

The elf says yes and asks the pub keep to line up 10 pints of extra stout. Immediately the dwarf tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the elf sits in amazement. The elf gives the dwarf the 500 gold and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The dwarf replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

Brilliant. :cool:

Silvara Ironside is home making dinner, as usual, when Simeron arrives at her door. "Silvara, may Aye come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' tae tell yer."

"Of course ya can come in, you're always welcome, Simeron. But
where's me husband?"

"That's what Aye'm here tae be tellin' yer, Silvara. There was
an accident doon at da Dwarf Ale brewery..."

"Oh, Gods no!" cries Silvara. "Please don' tell me..."

"I must, Silvara. Yer husband Gort is dead and goon. Aye'm
sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Simeron. "How did it happen, Simeron?"

"It was terrible, Silvara. He fell into a vat uv "Bugman's 5X Extra Stout" Brew and drowned."

"Oh blessed Brell! But yer must tell me true, Simeron. Did he
at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Silvara... no."

"No?"

"Fact is, he got oot three times to pee."

The best so far!! :D

[versuvius]

heh thanks!:p ;) :D

[versuvius]

A guy owns a horse farm. One day a friend phones him up , "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He wants to buy a horse". Sure enough the dwarf turns up.

Dwarf asks "I want to buy a horth"

The owner asks him "Do you want a male horse or a female horse ?"

The Dwarf replies "A female horth"

The owner shows him a Mare.

"Nithe Horth" says the Dwarf, "can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks up the Dwarf to show him the Horses eyes.

"Nithe eyth" says the Dwarf "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.

"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" The Dwarf asks. By now the owner is getting a little fed up, but again picks up the Dwarf to show him the horses ears.

"Nithe eerth," he says "Can I see her twot?" With this the owner picks up the Dwarf and shoves his head deep between the horse's legs, holding him there for a second before pulling him out & putting down.

"Perhaps I should rephrathe that" said the Dwarf, "can I see her wun awound?"

[versuvius]

An elf, a human and a dwarf were enjoying a nice meal when a fight breaks out in the common room of a tavern.
The human immediately stood up and said. "Come friends, let's join this fight and toss them out."

The elf placed a hand on the human's arm and said, "We shouldn't fight unless we have to. Leave them alone."

The dwarf just sat and watched the fight go on.
tables were overturned, chairs were thrown and the fight just kept on going until all of a sudden, the dwarf growls and launches himself into the fray. In a matter of seconds he's beat up and thrown out all the combatants and has sat back at his chair.

His two companions sit rather stunned and look at him. Finally the human asks, "What came over you?"

Just then a serving wench arrives with the Dwarf's tankard of Ale and says, "Thanks, I thought I'd never get your drinks here because of that fight."

[Krulltak]

Keep it up, LOL

[versuvius]

im frying my brain trying lol

[versuvius]

nice and blunt...there was an ancient tomb once, full of ingenious traps! the first one was a two thousand year old bucket of white wash destined for the head! the second was a mouldy old feather destined for the armpit! while the third was a pair of humerous hands hoping the first person to walk into it was female! the last was a trap of such humour it would kill you...a 50 tonne granite block with a note on it saying ' laugh this one off'

[Wizzit]

haha thats tickled me ^^ nice one

[Wulf]

Good stuff... one more. This one originally featured an officer and an nco.

The alliance of Magnus the Pious is camped near Kislev. One day, one his allies, an elven general is having a walk outside of camp and runs into a local child. The child is building somekind of humanoid figurine out of horse manure left behind by the warhorses. The elf walks up to the child, looks at him curiously, and asks.

"Tell me little one, what are you doing?"

"I'm building a dwarf."

The elf thinks that is hilarious and runs back to camp, to where Magnus´ dwarven allies were camped. He finds the dwarf general and tells him about the child, almost bursting into laughter numerous times during recounting the tale. The dwarf is deeply offended and heads off to find the child. A few minutes later he finds the child, who is almost done playing. He asks.

"My child, what are you doing?"

"I'm building a dwarf."

"A dwarf? Out of horse manure? Why?"

"'cause there ain't nowhere near enough manure to make an elf."

[versuvius]

exelent...whered yeh get that barrel o' laffs

[WarTrader]

A Empire Elector Count goes to battle against a army of choas. The army is full of deamons and over night a bloodthirster is summoned. The Elector Count and his unit of body guards drive deep into the heart of the enemy army and face off against the vial deamon.

"You blood loving pansy come here and fight me!" Yells the elector count to the deamon. He turns to the nervous looking fellow beside him "Dont worry I'll get him with this van horstmann's thinger"

"Um sir?....that your mirror from back at camp...you were in a bit of a rush this morning..."

The deamon baring down on them, the elector count thinks quickly. He slices off the nervous chaps head, yelling "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"

[Archon]

Pretty funny guys.

[Artorius Necto]

Before i get booooed and hisssssed of the stage, you only understand this if you have seen the "hot shot" movies

A dwarf walks into and bar and the bar tenders say " why the long beard"

[versuvius]

iz dat a pun on the 'horse walks into bar' bartender says ' why the long face'

[Artorius Necto]

That the joke

[versuvius]

terrible...a dwarf walks into a bar, an ork steps over it

a man walks into bar, a dwarf walks under it but the ork walked thru it

[Snorri]

Verv, bring us more jokes!!!! ;)

[versuvius]

wha?? oh err ok...this may take a while

http://www.delving.com/images/Hamster.jpg
"..The DM has a pet Hamster, doesn't he?.."

[versuvius]

slightly different to the other one further back

An Elf, a Human and a Dwarf walk into the tavern and each orders a Beer. When the three Beers arrive a fly lands in each one.

The Elf pushes the Beer away distainfully, wanting nothing to do with it.
The Human flicks out the fly and finishes the Beer in one gulp.
The Dwarf gingerly picks out the fly by its wings, gently holds it over his glass and screams "SPIT IT OUT YE , SPIT IT OUT!!

[versuvius]

A famous band of dwarven adventurers were sitting in a temple talking amongst themselves when one of the dwarfs stood up: "Father Cleric, are there any dwarf nuns in this church?", said Bashful.
"No, there aren't any dwarf nuns in this church." the Father Cleric replied.
So the dwarf sat back down and they continued to talk amongst themselves when another dwarf stood up: "Father Cleric, are there any dwarf nuns in this town?", asked Grumpy.
"No, I don't believe there are.", the Father Cleric replied.
The dwarf sat down and there was continued discussion amongst the dwarfs when another dwarf stood up: "Father Cleric, are there any dwarf nuns in this country?", asked Sleepy.
"No, as a matter of fact I don't believe there are any dwarf nuns in this country.", the Father Cleric replied.
The dwarf sat back down and there was much laughter.
The Cleric approached the group and asked "Why do you laugh so?"
And the dwarfs replied "Dopey ed a penguin!"

[versuvius]

101 Ways to confuse your opponent http://www.bugmansbrewery.com/templates/bugmansbrewery/images/printButton.png (http://www.bugmansbrewery.com/templates/bugmansbrewery/images/printButton.png) And you thought bringing 3 dragons to the game was funny.... 1. Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.

2. Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it
model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.

3. Bring a falsified rulebook ( hours of fun ).

4. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.

5. Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look
upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.

6. Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them.
Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contigency plan 8a means
that I should..."

7. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.

8. Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your opponent dramatically.

9. Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other side of the table. Act as if you are
expecting to play with your opponent's army.

10. Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.

11. Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game
through his forfeit.

12. Play dead if your general dies.

13. Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously on your side of the table. Make cryptic
references to the power of lascannon in WHFB.

14. Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.

15. Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game. Incessantly.

16. Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain that its his birthday.

17. Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".

18. Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.

19. Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos for a "battle report."

20. Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife. Grin widely.

21. Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"

22. State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.

23. Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."

24. Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.

25. Add sound FX. Kaboom!

26. Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.

27. Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment your opponent!

28. Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our forests. Refuse to let him kill your
treeman. Refuse to let him move through woods.

29. Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy van.

30. Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.

31. Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"

32. Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.

33. Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.

34. Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.

35. Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.

36. Cheer on your miniatures.

37. Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous
whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.

38. Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it
visible.

39. Pull out an ace surreptiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to
play it.

40. Keep a deck of M:tG cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start to
shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.

41. Speak in skaven. Neek- Neek!

42. Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you
start to roll ones.

43. Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't
immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.

44. Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring
out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.

45. Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.

46. Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small
explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When
the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"

47. Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.

48. Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.

49. Come with an army painted completely fluoro purple. Wear dark glasses.

50. Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly.
Deny everything.

51. Ask if he has a license to drive that steam tank.

52. Make your opponent take a stupidity test. Refuse to let him do anything if he fails it.

53. Stare deep into his eyes. Use hypnosis to convince him he is a chicken. You may revert him back to normal
at the end of the game.

54. Paint all your miniatures naked. Complain about their dirty habits.

55. At the start of the game, flash a fake FBI card. Demand to see his army list.

56. Bring a water pistol. Squirt him in the back every time he turns away. Claim it was raining.

57. Dress up in a suit. Bring a pointer and a big map. Give a weather report before the game. Predict sunny
weather. Surreptiously pour a bucket of water on the table when he's not looking. If he asks for an explanation,
explain that "nobody's perfect".

58. Toss a bucket of water over his undead. Look worried when nothing especially unexpected happens
<except maybe for the table owner to walk up…>. Mutter about the declining standards of holy water. Try garlic.
If that doesn't work, throw on a steak.

59. Bring a fire danger chart. Set it to "extreme". Wear a "smokey the bear" cap. Refuse to let him use fiery
convocation. Pour a bucket of water on the board if he does.

60. Pour a bucket of water on the table. Look down on your miniatures and yell, "sink or swim, you lazy *&^%".

61. Pour a bucket of the water. Claim it was necessary in terraforming the planet.

62. Bring a whiteboard and a texta. Give all your miniatures a briefing before the game. Get them all in a circle
and yell out repeatedly "psyche! psyche! psyche!".

63. Bring cheerleader models. Place on the side of the table. Bring a tape of chants- 5,6,7,8 who do we
appreciate?

64. Plunk a computer on the table. Explain that your mate "Deep Blue" is standing in for you.

65. Roll out a wooden trojan horse, but nothing else. Wait expectantly.

66. Dedicate the game to your "beloved late last opponent." Sharpen your teeth. Grin.

67. Ask your opponent for a building permit before he places any huts.

68. Wear a sponsorship shirt- "Ashur Inc". If possible, be part of a team.

69. Apologize, but explain that your troops are on strike. Refuse to play unless he pays for their pay rise.

70. Explain that all your miniatures have a 1+ save, as they are made of "white metal".

71. Charge him a parking ticket for his chariot.

72. Paint all your miniatures in football uniforms. Bring a little football. When you see all his miniatures with
weapons, ask "Isn't this the Campbell memorial football stadium?".

73. Come into the room screaming "they're alive! they're alive!" with goblin spearmen rammed into your skin all
along your arms.

74. Make him draw a pentagram, chant and sprinkle incense before you let him place his Greater Daemon.

75. Look at his goblins for a long time. Make allusions to the fact that they all look exactly the same. Warn about
inbreeding.

76. Bring a little whistle. When he kills one of your miniatures, blow it and gesture your way. Explain that he was
"off-side".

77. When he fires a cannonball, ask him if he will let you make a 4+ "catch and throw back" roll.

78. Slap him with a public indecency suit when he places his witch elves on the board.

79. Offer him some "squig beer". Make sure that it is green.

80. Speak in rhyming couplets. "Oh it shall be as thus/you save on a 4 plus"

81. If asked to guess a range, guess in nanometres. Measure it out on your specially designed tape.

82. When you activate the Black Gem of Gnar, start singing, "This is the challenge that never ends, it just goes
on and on my friends…" Stop and look surprised when the effects wear off.

83. Bring an apprentice model for one of your characters. When he attacks, exclaim, "No, no, no, not like that!
Repeat after me: I will not swing my sword in anything less than a 45 degree arc, I will not swing my sword…"

84. Ask where it says you can't use your orbital phaser cannon. Repeat in turn for: gargant, selective volcano,
life-sized cannon, mad attack kitten, doom-diver carrying a neutron bomb, rat-sac, etc.

85. Put a little conductor figure out the front of your deployment zone, complete with music stand and tails. Tap
your range ruler on the edge of the board… "1,2,1,2,3,4". Quickly switch on a tape of the Philadelphia harmonic
choir as you gesture wildly with your range ruler. After four seconds, have the tape click and end. Drop the ruler
and look embarrassed.

86. As soon as he kills one of your models, put on a police cap and switch on a police siren. Stroll up to your
opponent. Fake a yorkshire accent. "Allo, allo, allo, what do we have here then?" Pick up his general. "He's the
brains of the operation, is he then?" Turn to the original model. Pick him up and read him his rights. Arrest his
army for grievous bodily harm.

87. Ask his wardancers where they got the kinky gear. Wink seductively.

88. Hide under the table. Use -ventriloqui- -Ventriloquiy- throwing your voice to project your voice onto your
general model.

89. Calculate the angles of elevation given the wind resistance, escape velocity and the aerodynamics of the
projectile before firing his cannon.

90. Give the post-modernist influences on your painting style. Critique his.

91. Put little red curtains along your deployment zone boundaries. Begin, "May I present…" and pull them back
dramatically. Reveal an empty stage. Look around nervously and repeat your line a little louder. Close the
curtains again. Repeat.

92. Trip his giant.

93. Run an electric current through your fence.

94. Bring a 600 page bound book with big letters on the front "FAQ". Lay it on the ground facing England and
worship it. Prop up a little framed picture of Tuomas Pirinen next to it. Demand your opponent join you in a
prayer small prayer session to Him.

95. Demand he right the gender and racial inequalities in his army.

96. Stand on the board. If he says anything, explain that your army has transcended this world and has risen to
the spiritual plane. Explain that you are their physical medium and must fight on their behalf. Look down at his
army and laugh.

97. Write a ballad about the battle.

98. When the game is in full swing, get a friend to bring over a UFO model. Have it hover over the board.
Abduct his army. When it is all over, deny everything. Make sure your watch has 'lost' six minutes.

99. Bring a little coffee mug in the shape of the cauldron of blood.

100. Bring a real elastic band for your doom diver. Why stop at _throwing_ miniatures?

101. Read the above out before the game.

[versuvius]

You Know when you having been playing too much Warhammer when....




1. You plan an invasion of your neighbour's house.
2. Your skin begins to turn green after painting your 9026th goblin.
3. You ask if you can enroll in elven history at school.
4. You wonder what Morgianna le Fey wears to bed.
5. You turn the von Carsein story into a romance novel.
6. You wonder why the US army hasn't yet come up with the Doomwheel.
7. You are upset when you are forced to re-write your definition of greenskin when the lizardmen came out.
8. You start to confide in your miniatures.
9. You ask the petshop guy for a snotling for your youngest child.
10. You attempt to sell your soul to Chaos.
11. You sharpen your toiletbrush in case of a skaven sewer invasion.
12. You wonder if there's a way to shrink historic buildings to use as terrain.
13. You model furniture for your model houses.
14. You tear up your forbidden rod card, burn it and scatter the ashes.
15. You start to ask for Bugman's at the local pub.
16. You consider a Chaos Dwarf hat fashion.
17. You spend sleepless night's worrying about the helm of many eyes/ Double Handed weapon issue.
18. You tell your fiancee that her engagement ring is the ring of corin.
19. You wonder if you can deadlock your neighbour's lawnmower at five o'clock in the morning.
20. You buy a pet rat and name it Queek.
21. You consider buying a chariot for your next car.
22. You consider voting chaos at the next elections.
23. You Mental Duel your friends.
24. You play warhammer at realistic scales ie. on an oval and sneer at those who don't.
25. You wonder if your tadpoles will grow into skinks or sauruses.
26. You yelled out tactics to Mel Gibson throughout the screening of "Braveheart".
27. You try to locate your town on the old world map.
28. You make small offerings to Chaos before an important die roll.
29. You write a biology essay on how Goblins reproduce.
30. You laugh every time you hear the "Itzi bitzi, Tenehuini, yellow polka dot bikini" song.
31. You tattoo yourself with the skaven symbol.
32. You begin to write in dwarven runes.
33. You paint your models in a camouflage scheme. You repaint them before every game to match the scenery.
34. You cry when your general dies. You hold a funeral for him.
35. You re-write the rulebook.
36. You start a motion to add more distance to the inch.
37. You start to gain a skaven accent.
38. You publish the liber bubonicus.
39. You grow bansai trees on your table to use as scenery.
40. You invent statistics and special rules for your girlfriend. You give them to her as valentine's gift.
41. You send your scripts for "Gotrek and Felix- fearless warriors" to the local TV channel.
42. When asked who your heroes are, you answer, "usually one plague priest leading the plague monks and a few chieftans scattered around the clanrats."
43. You work out every single 2000pt skaven army allowable under the rules. You keep them all in a filing cabinet.
44. You start to call your mother-in-law Hellebron.
45. You have a two sheds full of polystyrene.
46. You write as your new year's resolution, "to fulfill the grail quest."
47. You install a screaming bell instead of a car horn.
48. You create WHFB-WH40k-Necromunda-Epic to allow you to use all of your models at once.
49. You ask the airlines if you can fly gyrocopter.
50. You wonder at what altitude an aeroplanbe could be considered "flying high."

and, of course,

51. You take the time to read 100+ E-mails a day about WHFB and are able to convince yourself that its worth the effort!

[versuvius]

26. You yelled out tactics to Mel Gibson throughout the screening of "Braveheart".

all films with wars in em (lort) (eragon even) i do this...and that gameshow thing with the VR wars called time commanders i yell out tactics and discuss them whith who ever is in the room...and the skaven toilet brush one iv done too....oh yeh and the crying when my general dies too

PS. enough laughs for you yet snorri
http://snorri.justgotowned.com/
snorri please watch

ok one more cus i loves yehz *SHUDDER*

Goblins cooking? Doesn't sound good to me unless they are to eat of course..... Okay then…
Hello all you humie fings. I’m Gronnit, and dis is…dis is…dis is…
I’m Redz!
Dats right, this is I’m Redz. Welcome to our Goblin cookin’ show fing, on which we shall be doing cookin’.
Wiv food
Dats right, wiv food.
*Ahem*
Now our first recipe is, ah…
Baked beings
Yeah, them things, now the first fing you should all remember is, always remember to…to…remember to…
“Buckle yer seatbelt?”
No…remember to…
“Brush yer teeth?”
Shuttup! Wash yer handies, that’s it, wash yer hands before yer cook.
“Is dat before or after I pick me nose?”
Um…I’m not sure, I fink you…I fink you…I fink you don’t do it at all or sumfin. Now, after we has done that
“Um…Gronnit?”
We is then getting our ingredients
“Gronnit?”
And preparing dem
Gronnit.
What? Can’t you see I’m busy with dese humie gentlethings?
We never did that washing thing.
Oh.
Well, they can’t expect us to do it. That’s water, we might be goblins but we isn’t stupid.
Sorry about that. Now to be getting on wiv da recipe. We is getting our ingredients, which is our bread, and our beans. Now we is getting out toaster out of our cupboards and plugging it in our power points and argh….
“Is we now hoping up and down and sucking our fingers?”
Shut. Up.
Look, I am just trying to contribute to dis cookin show, okay?”
Ooh, ah… *ahem* now that our toaster is plugged in, and we havn’tstuck our finger in the power point. We is to…
…Excuse me a minute humies.
Psst…Redz?
Wot?
Which one do we stick inna toaster? Da beans, or da bread?
Uhh…well, how about we stick boff in, and see which one turns out best, eh?
Okay, attention listeners, we is sticking boff ingredients in da toaster, dis is coz we have decided to experiment a little wiv our recipe. Dis is perfectly normal, and feel free to do da same wiv other recipes.
Gronnit!
Shuttup I’m talking Aargh, quick, quick get somefing to puddit out!
Wot do I use?!
get sum, sum.. sum liquid, over there!
Dis oil jar thing?
Yeah, quick pass it here, pour it on, nononoonono, not there, on the flames. There…

*wooom…*

[Zwergverderben]

Versuvius, I'd just like to thank you, you have kept me occupied for the duration of a VERY long class. Thank god for wireless.

also:

An orc walks into a bar (like through the doors, seriously), he has a drink, everyone is quite surprised. The End.

[versuvius]

at least i can do summat right....i hope snorri has watched my link

[Snorri]

http://www.Versuvius.youarelame.com/

;) :p

Felt that I needed to respond, nice link though!

And those ones from the offtopic forums (101 Ways to confuse your opponent in particular) are brilliant.

[Dante]

Snorri! (http://snorri.youaremighty.com/) Nice one there :p

[versuvius]

the tune on mine is catchyer...you got owned, owned owned owned

[mad_caddie]

good stuff you guys got going here. love the one about pippin not having a light for his weed :D

[versuvius]

thanks dude!! i might be an idiot everywhere else but at finding dwarf or hobbit based jokes im ok!

[YajoojMajooj]

All Hail versuvius......... :)

[versuvius]

I have no idea how old that last post is...i dont even remember speaking like that. Curse you time and your brain eroding something or t'other

[Desarmo]

hahahah that was great

[Gorefang]

A human, a halfling, an elf and a dwarf all climb to the top of a tall mountain.

The human looks over the side and yells "this is for my people" and leaps over the side of the mountain.

The halfling gets to the top and looks over the side and yells "this is for my people" and leaps off the side of the mountain.

The dwarf heads over and looks over the side of the mountain and yells "this is for my people" and pushes the elf off.

[Phmud]

~~~The Lusty Dwarfen Maid Ch 1 Sc 3 : Making Orc Babies!~~~


-Master Orc, "OOOOOOOOH BOUNCE DAT GOOD OOOOH OOOOOH"

-Wide-Flap, "EEEEEEH EEEEEEH, and to think You reproduced with Fungus! EEEEEHH"

Wide-Flap the Dwarf farts loudly in a diarrhetic manner.

-Master Orc, "I'll fill dat der leakin hol!"

*Throp*

-Wide-Flap, "EH OH OHOH OH OH OOOOOH EEEEEEEEH"

*Splunkt*

-Master Orc, " OOOOOH OOOOOH OOOOOOH OOOOOOH"

-Wide-Flap, " EH EH EEEH EEEH eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*Squirt Splunk Squirt Squirt GESPLUTCH!*

Wide-Flap defecates ankle deep over the floor.


*** Big thanx to TheUltimate for this one***

Well I'm off to the psychiatrist.
TRAUMATIC

[Guntarr]

ROFLCOPTER! That wasn't funny!
QFT Ten characters

[Maloka]

Traumatic? Do you want traumatic?

I'm going to hell, i've linked this three times already! (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3199056/1/Squad_Broken)

[Mcwiley]

Bear walks into bar...The bear asks the bartender "May i please have a.......................................Drink?" the bartender asks "why the big paws?"

[versuvius]

Traumatic? Do you want traumatic?

I'm going to hell, i've linked this three times already! (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3199056/1/Squad_Broken)


I do not...DO NOT LIKE YOU AT ALL...thats gold in find however, i can cause much evil with it

[Relentless]

I once heard a human, presumably empire, bard singing this ballad:

There was an old farmer, who sat on a rock
Stroking his whiskers and shaking his

Fist at his neighbors, who sat on their wricks
Teaching their children, to player with their

Kite strings and marbles in the old days of yore
Along came a lady who looked like

A descent young lady and walked like a duck
Said she discovered, a new way to

Bring up the children to sew and to knit
The boys in the stables where shoveling up

Contents of stables left after the hunt
The car man was feeing a nice piece of

Straw from the stables, cleaning the walls
In came the dear maid to play with his

Dog in the dairy where she did belong
If you think this is dirty well your flogging well wrong...
(Originally done by Bob Saget)

If you think that was funny, you should have heard the Slaaneshi version...

[versuvius]

>.> I want the Slaaneshi version

[Zax965]

I can't believe I read all that, time to take a shower.

[Amateratsu]

Two orcs walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would have seen it

(My improvement)

Two orcs walk THROUGH a bar...poor dwarves.

(My Improvement)

[GromGutz]

thanks for that..i have loads wrote down....err an elf a dwarf and a hobbit are walking down the street and see a lamp...the dwarf picks it up and rubs it (being good quality iron) a genie pops out. He says i shall grant ye all one wish. The elf says i wish that all elves can go to our eternal home and never be plagued by chaos again *snap* all the elves vanish. The hobbit says i also wish for all hobbits to go where chaos can never bother us *snap* no more hobbits here., The dwarf says " so all the elves and hobits are gone?" yes says the genie "in that case i shall have an ale" says the dwarf.
I actually lol'd at that IRL, thats really, really good! :o

[Chiros]

~~~The Lusty Dwarfen Maid Ch 1 Sc 3 : Making Orc Babies!~~~


-Master Orc, "OOOOOOOOH BOUNCE DAT GOOD OOOOH OOOOOH"

-Wide-Flap, "EEEEEEH EEEEEEH, and to think You reproduced with Fungus! EEEEEHH"

Wide-Flap the Dwarf farts loudly in a diarrhetic manner.

-Master Orc, "I'll fill dat der leakin hol!"

*Throp*

-Wide-Flap, "EH OH OHOH OH OH OOOOOH EEEEEEEEH"

*Splunkt*

-Master Orc, " OOOOOH OOOOOH OOOOOOH OOOOOOH"

-Wide-Flap, " EH EH EEEH EEEH eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*Squirt Splunk Squirt Squirt GESPLUTCH!*

Wide-Flap defecates ankle deep over the floor.


*** Big thanx to TheUltimate for this one***

That was more "completely retarded and make me want to smash skulls in with a ball-peen hammer" than funny.

Seriously, I would have thought that a (god help this pun) crappy joke back in sixth grade.

Damn.

[Chiros]

traumatic? Do you want traumatic?

i'm going to hell, i've linked this three times already! (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3199056/1/squad_broken)

YOu!
You ING !
GodDAMNIT, that wasn't supposed to be a pun!

And now you've made me double post!
!

[suprez]

A human start to prepare a battleplan to attack an orc outpost . But since he don't know much about any great objective he call someone for help!

Suddently a stunties shout heavily - I can help ya! No one can make better battleplan than a dwarf! The Human nod and accept the offer.

The dwarf start to look carefully at the map and aggressivly , start drawing and marking a lot of different place on the map . The human shocked look at the dwarf and ask him .

- I'm Amazed! What's your name? You located every point with such ease!!!How can you remember all of this?

The Dwarf smirk and told the human . I don't know much about yer strategic point . But if ye want a good drinking , ye can't miss these place!.

[Metzger]

Whats the difference between the cart full of dead dwarves and the cart full of looted dwarven treasure?

The orcs cant unload the treasure with pitchforks


What does the Black Orc tell the goblin with two black eyes?

Nothing he didnt already tell him twice!

[Darrell]

;194420']A dwarf walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long mace?"

Even after two years, this is one of my favorites from this thread.