The Dwarf Engineer Tinkerbook

[STARSBarry]

we all know engineers love to tinker with things they shouldent, and i was thinking it would be a rather intresting thread to see what complety stupid ideas we can all come up with

to start off

exsploding throwing axe's: attaching a small exsplosive to a hand axe, throw it, get it stuck in someone, watch it detonate, i call it the "stucky bomb"

[GreyWarlord]

What's so stupid about that? Easier to implement than, say, fake trees that when hugged by an elfling secrete a sticky substance to immobilize the fairy in place while acid drips from the "trunk" to slowly burn the beardclipper's life away.

[mouldylock]

:skull: :skull: METAL STORM!!!!!:skull: :skull:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iX6YvWxtrxw

[Krulltak]

Fully automatic cannons with rune encrusted cannon balls.

Or fully automatic grenade launchers.

Or an Ironbreaker helmet that doesn't look like a tin can.

[Black Razor]

Three off the top of my head ...

Steam powered pneumatic spinning hammers: Think steam powered helicopter backpack but with hammers instead of blades. Wearer just runs into a mass of enemies and tries not to fall down.

Spring heel boots: Standard dwarfen boots with high power springs concealing in the heels .. used for launching self across the battlefield. Alternative to a dwarfen mount (which as we know dont exist).

Splinter shield: A wooden tower shield sandwiched to the outside of a metal one with a light explosive charge in between. When struck the charge detonates sending wooden shards towards the striker.

[Grombir]

1) The tactical vision enhancer, using the combined power of dwarven engineering and runes to get a good view of the battlefield. It basicly shoots a rune of vision (or something) with a portable version of grudgethrower (resembling a grenade launcher). allowing the engineer to get a good view of enemy locations through his goggles.

2) smoke fielder, a machine wich surrounds the engineer in a smoke screen. Giving the engineer a chance to do a tactical retreat. (will cause everybody inside to screen to lose their targets, and are unable to find a new target for the duration the smokescreen lasts, think the screen should last about 15 seconds or so and have a 10 yard range)

[STARSBarry]

haha these are all really good, my next idea is simple

night vision goggles, a pair of goggles with a solid steel sheet instead of lenses, when worn its just as if you were in the middle of night

[Japan_is_superior]

Queer Sacrifice.

Eat your own grenade, and then run and hug an opponent.

[Snorri]

What's so stupid about that? Easier to implement than, say, fake trees that when hugged by an elfling secrete a sticky substance to immobilize the fairy in place while acid drips from the "trunk" to slowly burn the beardclipper's life away.

Thats a brilliant idea!
Get me the engineering guild, we have work to do!!

Splinter shield: A wooden tower shield sandwiched to the outside of a metal one with a light explosive charge in between. When struck the charge detonates sending wooden shards towards the striker.
Thats really funny. :D

Ok I'll have a go...

Scorch-Handles.
Everyone knows that if you put a full tankard of ale down in a room full of dwarfs and leave it on a table... it will vanish fairly quickly. Now you can put down your ale and go to relieve your bladder with no fear of a tankard-theft!! Scorch-handles are paining hot handles that you can attach to your very own mug!! Whenever a would-be tankard-thief tries to pinch your drink whilst your away, they'll have their hand scorched to buggery, restricting their drinking for weeks!!!
Comes with a free plastic straw.

[versuvius]

ok ok ok i got one...an organ gun that will fire the standard ammo, but they are covered with runefire!! then when you are dead it will automatically nuke itself when a nearby ork or elf picks it up (wont detonate for adwarves) (unless their in my book of grudges)

[Malakai Makaison]

ok... i know its been done bfore but um.... what about the gun boot... or the grenade launcher boot... dude, youd see some little gobbo try to bite ur foot off and have it go blasting all the way into another realm.... totally awesome

[versuvius]

as much as i hate to see a name of my most loved characted used

We must discuss idea my insane friend

[AstralViper]

Steam powered catapult for launching orcs and goblins covered in explosives, swords, axes, hammers and anything else you have room to strap to em, back to their friends. ^_^

Explosice hammer, a hammer with impact explosives on the head. Obviosly only one shot but if theres only person you win.

Bear bomb, a special combination of chemicals and acids that interacts with the digestive system after it is drank. Simply leave a keg out ad watch the fun from afar.

[John_Skellan]

A keg of lager that never empties and sends you on an alcohol induced acid-trip (thank you Josef Bugman) anyway, I would say the most important invention I could conceive for a dwarf would probably be a spike on their shield. I mean the Orcs are stupid enough, just put a spike in the mix, and suddenly, there are a lot more dead orcs. (Stinking green retards)
-DV

[versuvius]

i was thinking more of a helmet with an axe head on it, that spins! and chops orcs up when i headbutt them!

[Freakshow]

ok... i know its been done bfore but um.... what about the gun boot... or the grenade launcher boot... dude, youd see some little gobbo try to bite ur foot off and have it go blasting all the way into another realm.... totally awesome

I was thinking along the same line, except on a shield. In the middle of the shield would be a knock back device. When used, a spring loaded ball would shoot out from the middle of the shield and hit teh enemy. Not only would it knock back the enemy, but it would stick a grenade to him. The enemy gets knocked back, and the grenade explodes away from the shield user. :D

[Kulgur]

*strokes his beard thoughtfully*

"New inventions ye say? I'm thinkin after that weird 'un blasted through our walls we're in need of ablative walls...."

[versuvius]

i have it! explosive mules...

[John_Skellan]

Explosive Badgers!

[Scirrocco]

One of those beer helmets that have the straws on them, so you can drink beer while fighting.

[versuvius]

aye! the horns are the storage area...and...A crotch plate with a circular saw blade!

[Dragu]

How about explosive squirrels then? They are fast, agile and small enough to be hard to spot.

Actually, that was so evil I find myself disgusted at myself :D .

[The Grudgebearer]

This isnt as fansy and explosive as all the other ones but it practical.
I was thinkin about a dwarfen rifle with an axe head at the end of the barrel sort of like a bayonet so when engineers go into close combat they can weild it like a regular axe.

[Okri]

*Looks at the assembled Engineers over the edge of his ale*

"Bah, daft beardlings with cogs and spanners filling up what little's left of their mind. As Ol' Kadrin Redmane used to say: There's nowt a cannon can do, that a determind dwarf with a hammer can't."

[versuvius]

well, im sure a dwarf hammerer cant blow a hole in fortress 5 meter wide...

[Okri]

Nothing but a matter of time, really. That's the problem with you young ones, always in a hurry.

[versuvius]

well, the quicker i can finish the battle and make something even deadlier the better!

[Snorri]

Dwarfs take time with their crafts, it is the key to our excellence in both the art of tinkering and the ways of war.

Give me a hammer, and I'll wreck a wall for you. Determination is the key.

[versuvius]

give me a cannon and ill wreck a fortress

[Okri]

As I said, it's all a matter of time. Damned, son, when has it ever been the dwarf way to hurry? Never, that's when. If you are going to be in a hurry to do everything, it really would be faster to just prance over to some troll and bend over. There, dead, done.

[The Grudgebearer]

Come on Okri let the younglings have there fun, there young and you know they are all hardheaded they wont listen.

[Dana]

How about explosive squirrels then? They are fast, agile and small enough to be hard to spot.

Actually, that was so evil I find myself disgusted at myself :D .

Thats so easy, that you dont even need engineering skills. You will need: 1 alive and healthy squirrel, 1 fine mortar, 1 fine bluderbuss, duct tape, explosives (ammount differs from squirrels max takeoff weight), detonator and handful of peanuts.

Just catch a squirrel and strap explosives to it, add proximity detonator (it is initiated when the speed of approach v.sub.a and the relative speed v.sub.r differ by a firing value K.sub.z which is selected in dependence on the optimum point of firing). Load the mortar with a squirrel and give it helmet (for safety).

Then load blunderbuss with De-shelled (better velocity) Peanuts, and shoot at your target (preferably greenskin). Then immediately aim a mortar and shoot at Orc too. The squirrel will sniff out peanuts and lock on them, rest is obvious.

Easy ! Isnt it !? Its fire & forget, even a dumb Greenskin could make it.

[Snorri]

Scorch-Handles.
Everyone knows that if you put a full tankard of ale down in a room full of dwarfs and leave it on a table... it will vanish fairly quickly. Now you can put down your ale and go to relieve your bladder with no fear of a tankard-theft!! Scorch-handles are paining hot handles that you can attach to your very own mug!! Whenever a would-be tankard-thief tries to pinch your drink whilst your away, they'll have their hand scorched to buggery, restricting their drinking for weeks!!!

Comes with a free plastic straw.

Whoever came up with this idea is clearly an extremely intelligent dwarf.

[Rabbitman]

Anyone designed a non-speaking engineer? Or at least a war-engine with a friendly-fire guarantee...

[Thoden Firehammer]

I call mine the Anti Elgi security system

First you make slits in all the main enterences to the Dwarf holds.. but make just a wee taller than the tallest dwarf ... then place retractable sawblades inside the slits ... oh and have the old stone floor activation thing ..so it works kind of like this

If an elf tried to get sneaky ...one less elf .. it also works great in sieges and hold assults, and you need less lookout guards which equals more time at tavern :D

[John_Skellan]

Ah, the sounds of young dawi thinking. Why when I was just a beardling I used to day dream of building the ultimate mixture of Grudgethrower and Cannon all the time. I was going to call it the grudge-boomer. Shoot a big exploxive rock out of a rune inscribed cannon made out of pure gromril at any target and watch the desctruction on impact. Ah what a wonderful day it was when I used my slingshot as a boy to shoot grenades at rats and passing snotlings in the caves under me families cellar. I calibrated each shot, mathematically computing it to the level intended for it to be used with gunpowder and a barreled firing mechanism and pretended that I was a master gunner in the tunnels beneath my home Karak Izor. Those were the days they were. I eventually created the damnable thing, but you see, slingshots, grenades and snotlings are one thing, but Cannons, Runeshot and Rat-Ogres are quite another. I remember when the underway collapsed around Karak Izor, and instead of sending the entire hold to stop up the rifts, they decided to send the engineers corps. That was a smart decision. 10 days into, we got attacked by skaven, The Grudge-boomer killed entire swaths of rats, but unforunately I forgot to think of a way to counteract warpstone. When one of the runeshots hit the hide of a rat ogre, the stupid thing caused a catastrophic explosion that collapsed the entire area around us, leaving our people safe, although the underway was collapsed and destoryed for good. *sigh* Let it be a lesson to ya youngins, never use a gun when a hammer is juust as good. That leads me to another story.... I was 213 year old, and there was this lovely hammer I wanted desperately.....*random incoherant mumbling goes one for another hour or so before the old grumbler eventually passes out in an ale induced slumber racked with a snoring fit*

[versuvius]

Well, versuvius isnae beardling. Just more insane than a grey seer in warpstone undies...

[Okri]

Just thought I'd draw your attention to this little thingy: http://mythicmktg.fileburst.com/war/us/media/images/conceptArt/0607_CAt_28.jpg

I quite like it.

[versuvius]

Okri, this is such a find! Remind me to cover your tab....

[Snorri]

That's ingenious!! A furious series/round of attacks towards one porr and soon-to-be-obliterated target!! Superb!!

[versuvius]

any one remember the "were doomed" thread in the orc section? well, lets just say they be more DOOMED! than ever

[Furio]

Strike of the GrudgeBearer

"Where the fate of the dwarven realm hangs in the wind the engineer may log co ordinates of the enemy using his trans-fungi-mitter for a consentrated barrage of air support from High King Grudgebearers personal gyrocopter regiment."

inflicts sustained heavy damage on all units within a 30-40 yard radius of ground zero, over a period of 10 seconds.

[John_Skellan]

Strike of the GrudgeBearer

"Where the fate of the dwarven realm hangs in the wind the engineer may log co ordinates of the enemy using his trans-fungi-mitter for a consentrated barrage of air support from High King Grudgebearers personal gyrocopter regiment."

inflicts sustained heavy damage on all units within a 30-40 yard radius of ground zero, over a period of 10 seconds.

Gyrocopters are too weak though, and theres no chance in hell to mount anything that could do any real damage onto it. It has a gun, that shoots superheated gas ouut of it. Not gas as in, " i'm out of gas" gas as in "Good Lord Earl, you have some of the worst gas I've ever smelled" or "NO JANE! DONT MESS WITH THAT GAS! YOU'LL BLOW THE GRILL UP" It peels the enemies skin so much he cant fight anymore... wow. I never liked em myself, even those big gyrocopters are weak too.

[Okri]

Superheated gas? Well, strictly speaking, that is the correct term, though it is more commonly known as steam. Gyrocopters have a steam gun.

But nevermind, anyone who's daft enought to set foot onto one of them whirly birds of death, probably wouldn't care.

[versuvius]

gyrocopters have an insane dawi sitting in it with grenades...and a great bloody mounted gattling gun if they be drunk enough

[Furio]

Gyrocopters are too weak though, and theres no chance in hell to mount anything that could do any real damage onto it. It has a gun, that shoots superheated gas ouut of it. Not gas as in, " i'm out of gas" gas as in "Good Lord Earl, you have some of the worst gas I've ever smelled" or "NO JANE! DONT MESS WITH THAT GAS! YOU'LL BLOW THE GRILL UP" It peels the enemies skin so much he cant fight anymore... wow. I never liked em myself, even those big gyrocopters are weak too.

i haven't played the TTG of warhammer for a some years but i do recall gyrocopters having the ability to drop bombs, in which case i persoanlly think that any gyrocopter regiment attached to the "high King" would be carrying a payload with a bit more potency than a fire cracker.

Edit: nice elaboration on the gas peeling skin lol

[John_Skellan]

Nope. If they did originally, they dont anymore. Still, you would NEVER be able to get me up into one of those whirly fylin things without a good pile of rock and dirt under me feet and a couple of crystal bottles of good Kislevite Vodka.

[Tryphodemos]

Strongly magnetised pellets for yer blunderbusses is the way to go. Pump'em in one of 'em green apes an' watch as the weaponry of 'is mates does the rest. Hehehehehehehe...*choke*...spit*...what a waste of good brew, *sigh*

[Mogdin Wrathammer]

I call it a Rank Hewer. It's a disc-shaped bomb with a chainsaw coiled around it and runes of Fire engraved int othe side. Set it into the ground and turn it on so that the chain is activated and causes the disc to move. It will then proceed to cut through the enemy ranks and shred them to pieces, only to reach the back of their lines and explode- killing nearly everyone...

................

......

Okay so it's a stretch. <_<

[Mogdin Wrathammer]

Nope. If they did originally, they dont anymore. Still, you would NEVER be able to get me up into one of those whirly fylin things without a good pile of rock and dirt under me feet and a couple of crystal bottles of good Kislevite Vodka.


KISLEVITE alcohol? Blasphemy!

[SuitcaseJefferson]

:skull: :skull: METAL STORM!!!!!:skull: :skull:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iX6YvWxtrxw

Quick! Someone get this person a free internets!